


Her Secret Violet

by average_angie



Category: Mrs. Dalloway
Genre: England (Country), F/F, Forbidden Love, Romance, Sad Ending, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Victorian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:54:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/average_angie/pseuds/average_angie
Summary: Violets and their color became a special code used by lesbians during the darker ages for their loved as referenced in many poems. Mrs. Dalloway, better known as Clarissa. Once had a summer love with a girl named Sally and Clarissa felt so liberated and free when she was with her. Clarissa has never felt as much joy and utter euphoria as she did at that moment. The soft lips that were placed so delicately on her. Treating her so gentle as the flower that was handpicked for her.
Relationships: Clarissa Dalloway/ Sally, Clarissa Dalloway/ Sally Seton, Sally/Clarissa





	Her Secret Violet

**Author's Note:**

> This was my creative final for my Victorian Literature class. This was my added scene to the original story. If you wondering if there was any WLW fanfiction for Mrs. Dalloway, this is the first of its kind.  
> PS. Sorry for any mistakes.

Clarissa has never felt as much joy and utter euphoria as she did at that moment. The soft lips that were placed so delicately on her. Treating her so gentle as the flower that was handpicked for her. 

Sally was once a confusing lady. Clarissa does dare say lady because there was no way a girl could begin to conjure the feelings she had developed for that woman.  
Sally Seton was everything a man could wish for. She was the epitome of beauty. Yet she’s everything a man resents but someone another woman adores. Sally is wild and carefree, the opposite of Clarrisa. Sally is a rebel, smoking in front of whoever she wants. She does what she wants yet Sally is someone gentle toward someone she cares for. Sally is a lady who confuses Clarissa. Making her wonder if she wants to be her or be with her.

It all started over the summer where they were staying at the Bourton’s. The Bourton mansion was large and lovely, having a very antique yet chic setting to it. Clarrisa was chatting with her talkative friend, Peter Walsh. He was currently telling her to come to the group dinner while talking some more utter rubbish about those around them. Clarissa gave him weak smiles and nods. It wasn’t as if he wanted to start a conversation with her, he just wanted some attention. As did most men. They never did care for what a woman thinks. As Peter continues to go on, Clarrisa can't help but have her eyes wander around the hall. Then, she spots a figure. 

Right outside the window, in the garden of the manor, stood a lady tall and proud. She was gently stroking a flower with a soft smile planted on her face. Clarissa had excused herself from Peter, who had a rather ill-humoured look on his face.

Clarissa had joined the lady in the garden and felt a spark between them. One thing led to another and the two women had gotten closer than Clarissa had ever gotten to someone before. During the ladies’ free time, they’d be out in the garden, Sally informing Clarissa on the different flowers, or upstairs reading Plato to Sally. It was quite wonderful.

So when Sally had given Clarissa a violet, tucking it ever so gently on Clarrisa’s ear, pushing the hair out of her face. It happened. The two had kissed. It was the most exquisite moment of Clarissa’s whole life. But this moment of bliss was cut short when Peter Walsh had rudely interrupted them by calling out for Clarissa. That twat.

-=-

After hours Clarissa and Sally had met in the garden in secret. Over dinner, the two had snuck looks at one another and they knew they had to talk about what had just occurred. Clarissa had arrived at the garden after Sally who was sitting on a bench. The moonlight was shining on Sally, highlighting her so elegantly that Clarissa couldn’t help but stare for a moment. When Sally had caught her a dark blush crept its way onto Clarissa’s cheeks.

“So,” Sally stated. “To keep it short. I fancy you, Clarissa”

Clarissa had been taken back by how straight forward Sally had been. Sally fancies her. She genuinely does. Clarissa doesn’t know what to do with this information. Does she fancy Sally back? She didn’t quite know. Her judgment is clouded at the moment. 

“Sally,” Clarissa said slowly but softly. “I don’t know what to say”

“So don’t” 

“Wha-”

Clarissa was cut off by Sally kissing her once more. Clarissa soon found her shoulders relaxing and melted into the kiss. If she were to die now ’twere to be most happy.  
Sally was the first to pull away and hold both of Clarissa’s hands in hers and bring it to her chest. 

“Come with me, Sally. Runaway with me into the countryside. We can live in a cottage together, being bothered by no one but ourselves. How does that sound? Pleasant no?” Sally pleaded. 

Doubt and fear began to fill in Clarissa’s chest, She couldn’t, It’s taboo. She’s expected to marry a man, that was the whole purpose of this visit. To find a suitor. Instead, here she was kissing another woman. What would her family think? What if it got out in the tabloids?

Sally, sensing Clarissa’s fear, caressed her face. Her thumb rubbing the sides of Clarissa’s face while whispering softly in her ear, ‘it’ll be ok’.

Suddenly all the worry Clarissa has conjured up was soon replaced. Standing here in the garden she felt close and protected. Here in Sally’s arms, she felt a feeling of comfort and tranquility she’s never felt before. With Sally, she was able to take risks and act like herself. Truly herself. Not a mask she puts on for the public. With Sally, she could let go and enjoy herself. 

Clarissa found herself nodding toward Sally. A smile breaking out on the other’s face. Sally lets out a laugh in relief and places her forehead on that of Clarissa’s. 

-=-

Clarissa had pictured it. A cottage fantasy in the countryside with Sally. It sounded perfect but there was so much on the line. Clarissa had found herself doubting the plan with each and every passing day. Leaving with Sally meant she had to leave her family and life behind only to start anew with her in the unknown. 

Sally had suggested leaving everything behind, only starting new with whatever was on their person. She wanted to live a new life while Clarissa was questioning everything.

The day had finally come where the two would run away from it all. They were to meet outside the manor and run and head to the tracks that were a distance away. Then Sally said they would wait for the nearest steam train to roll back and to travel on that. There took a while creating that plan but Sally was more than ready to risk it all for Clarissa. 

They were to walk out of the manor to take a “stroll”, to not raise any suspicion. Clarissa had begun to hear small thuds on her window, confused she hesitantly approaches her window and pulls the curtains back. A bright smile breaks out on her face when she revealed what was making those noises. Sally was outside on the ground floor, throwing pebbles at the window. Sally beamed at the other woman, excited for the journey ahead of them. Sally gives Clarissa a thumbs up and Clarrisa responds by holding her pointer finger up, asking her to give her a moment. Clarissa smiled, feeling her doubts drifting away. There’s one thing she refuses to leave behind. Her book on Plato, which has the violet Sally gave her tucked in between the pages. After she grabbed that book, she fixed her dress and headed downstairs. 

Right outside the main doors there, Sally was waiting for her. Just as they were about to go to walk off the manor grounds someone stopped them. 

“Clarissa” A voice spoke out

Clarissa turned around to find Peter Walsh standing behind them. There was only one train that was to pass today and Sally didn’t want to miss it. Clarissa gave Peter a faint smile but it was enough to please him.

“Can I speak with you?” He asked. 

Clarissa turned to Sally and she gave her a curt nod. Sally leaned in and spoke quietly to Clarissa. “I’ll meet you in front of the tracks. Don’t be long.”

With those words, Clarissa nodded and Sally began her walk towards the track. Clarissa turned to a confused-looking Peter yet as soon as Peter’s eyes met hers he shook off whatever confusion was present before.

“Clarissa I want to talk to you”

“Do make it quick Peter I have an errand to run”

“An errand with Sally and a book?”

“Yes now go on with it please”

Peter composed himself and spoke firmly, “I wish to be one of your potential suitors”

Clarissa was taken aback by those words. A suitor. She forgot all about them when she was with Sally. Peter Walsh wanted to be her suitor. Why?

“Why?”

“Because I want your hand in marriage of course, with the permission of your parents”

Her parents. Would her parents be worried that she left without a word? Would they be worried? Would they care?

“Clarissa?”

Pulling her out of her thoughts. She glanced at Peter and then back to where Sally walked to, unable to see her Clarissa began to panic. 

“Peter I am in a rush. I’d have to think about it please do give me some time”

Peter looked conflicted at this response.

“Now I really do have to get going Peter If you’ll excuse me” 

As Clarissa was getting ready to leave and rush up to catch up to her lover who was waiting, Peter had grabbed her arm. 

“What is wrong with you lately, always leaving and sneaking off somewhere? Where are you going”

“Peter please I must be going”

“No, explain yourself”

Clarissa had begun to get quite fed up with Peters’s actions. There was one thing he never did and it was to let go. Well, now she was to force him. She roughly yanked her arm away from him and set off onto a sprint in the same direction Sally had set off. Clarissa had wasted so much time talking to this wanker. Peter had followed in a sprint right after her. 

“Clarissa wait!” He called out.

His shouts didn’t stop her, she had to make that train for Sally and she was running late.

By the time Clarissa had made it to the tracks where a train had been stopped. Her dress was worn and dirty on the bottom by all her running and Clarissa was running out of breath. Her heart was pounding in her chest. 

“Clarissa” A feminine voice called out from above her.

Clarissa looked up, Sally was standing on what of the steam train’s storage cart. 

“Clarissa what are you doing!” Peter called out from behind her. 

Before Clarissa could even speak the train had started moving. Sally had stumbled and grabbed onto the nearest box. Clarissa had started walking to catch up with her. Sally reached her arm out.

“Clarissa grab onto me and jump!” She yelled out. 

Clarissa at that point has broken out in a run following by the train, trying to hold onto Sally’s hand,

“Come on grab onto me” Sally called. 

Clarissa’s heart was racing, out of breath, and feeling desperate. Clarissa closed her eyes and takes a jump, her arm reaching out for her lover’s hand. Clarissa could hear her heart and feel it in her throat. 

Clarissa could feel Sally’s fingertips on hers. Soft to the touch. Clarissa remembers the feelings of Sally’s hands in hers. As amazing as the touch felt, it was soon ripped from her. That feeling of grace turned sour. 

Clarissa’s hand had slipped from Sally’s grip due to the speed of the train and the pressure they were facing. 

She had fallen onto the ground hard near the train tracks. Her name was called out by a male voice behind her. Her name being yelled out in despair away from her. 

She didn’t make it.

Sally had slipped from her grip. 

She was gone with the train.

Clarissa, whose dress was quite filthy at that point, had sunken down onto the ground. Tears falling from her face and her breathing became very irregular. She was sobbing uncontrollably and she couldn’t care if Peter saw her. She didn’t care about anything. Her lover got away without her and she was heartbroken because it was her fault. She’s the one who got held up, she’s the one who didn’t run fast enough, she’s the one who wasn’t on the train with her. Clarissa’s sobs became louder.  
In the end, Peter brought her back to the manor. She was still sobbing, holding onto her book, with the violet that was touched away, for dear life. 

-=-

Years had passed. Clarissa was now married to a man named Richard and had a child together. Clarissa was content with her life. She had something stable, something society deems as fit.

Looking back at it now, Clarissa knew that society would never have allowed that love to flourish. Yet those moments in the garden could never be beaten. 

Clarissa knew Sally had moved on but Clarissa would forever hold onto the memories of her. It was the first and last time Clarissa had felt liberated and free. Clarissa signs in her chair. Her child was grown now, her husband just works, leaving Clarissa home feeling lonely most of the time. Every now and then Clarissa throws parties, in hopes that Sally might attend one just to see her and hold her one last time. 

Clarissa had stood up in the study and grabbed a book off her shelf. Her favorite book, Plato. With the delicate flower hidden in between the pages. She sits down again with the book open to the flower. Clarissa begins to finger the flower and wonders about what could have been.


End file.
